Goal 10: Try to make a new friend

If your child is struggling with out of game challenges:

• The early / easier challenges are just as important as the later/harder ones. Don’t be tempted to overlook them as too easy. Doing those challenges sets children up to believe they can do this.

• Ask your child how they think they could customise these. They often have creative ideas!

• Don’t worry if one of the earlier challenges seems harder for your child than some of the later ones. All children are different.

• As a parent, have a think about the ultimate goal, and whether you’re happy for your child to get most of the way through and anything extra is a bonus. For example, you might be happy to see your child stay at home while you nip to the shops for an hour, or perhaps being able to go places where there might be insects but not necessarily needing to hold a big spider. 

• Children often benefit throughout all the challenges by using the breathing techniques they’re taught in the “imagine” challenge. Remind them to relax and take slow, deep breaths at the start of each challenge.

• Make it fun! For example, if your young person is worried about being in the dark, let your child put you in a dark room for a bit and see how you cope.

Customising out of game challenges

CHALLENGES: 4-7

4. Make eye contact with someone at school you don’t know well

Ways to customise this challenge: Set up a playdate or practise eye contact at home.

1. Organise a situation where your young person is more likely to make friends, for example set up a playdate with another parent you know, or go to a social club.

2. Make it easier by practising at home. When your child talks to you or you talk to them, remind them: “Look at my eyes.” Be sure to model eye contact when you speak to your child - look at them when you talk to them, even if they look away. 

3. When they’re ready, encourage them to make eye contact for 2 or 3 seconds with other people while you’re out together, like a shopkeeper or a waiter and make it fun!

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I know it can be really worrying trying to make a new friend. But I know you’re such a kind person and I want other kids to know that, too!” 

• “I’m so proud of you for trying this challenge! I know you can do it.”

Tips: You can make reminding your child to make eye contact more fun by putting stickers on your forehead or even cutting out eyeballs to tape between your eyebrows. This will help them remember without you having to tell them and might also make them laugh! 

5. Say hi to someone at school you don’t know well

Ways to customise this challenge: Set up a playdate or role-play with family members.

1. Organise a situation where your young person is more likely to make friends, for example set up a playdate with another parent you know, or go to a social club. 

2.  Practise the conversation out loud at home first, talk about what you can say to someone you don’t know very well. Have your child talk about or even write out a script for what they could say and how the other person might respond.

3. When they’re ready, try practising while you’re out together at a shop or a restaurant, etc.

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I feel worried sometimes too when I have to talk to people I don’t know. It’s totally normal! But I know you’re brave enough to say hello” 

• “I hope you’re proud of yourself for trying this challenge. You’re doing such a great job!”

Tips: Try reading books or telling social stories about other kids who are worried, too. Make up a story about a child who goes to the park and feels worried when they see other kids there, but decides to say hello and ends up having a lot of fun playing at the park with someone new. Letting your child help tell the story can be a good way to learn more about their worries and help them understand what might happen. 

6. Talk to someone at school you don’t know well

Ways to customise this challenge: Set up a playdate or practise at home first.

1. Organise a situation where your young person is more likely to make friends, for example set up a playdate with another parent you know, or go to a social club. 

2. Help your child practise a short conversation with role-playing at home. Have your child talk about or even write out a script for what they could say and how the other person might respond. practise the conversation out loud at home first. 

3.  When they’re ready, encourage them to talk to a shop keeper or waiter while you’re out together. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “You’ve already been so brave! I know you can keep facing your fears.” 

• “It’s totally normal to feel worried - I bet there are other children in your class who feel the same way. I’m so proud of you for being so kind and trying to make a friend!”

Tips: Suggest some things your child can talk about. Asking questions and giving compliments are great ways to carry on a conversation!

7. Invite someone new to play or eat with you at school 

Ways to customise this challenge: Set up a playdate or Invite someone new to eat with you and another friend.

1. Organise a situation where your young person is more likely to make friends, for example set up a playdate with another parent you know, or go to a social club. 

2. If your child is feeling worried, encourage them to invite someone new to eat or play  along with another friend. Having someone else around who they already know well may help them feel more  comfortable spending time with someone new. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I am so proud of you for trying this goal. Let’s think about how far you’ve come already!” 

• “You are so brave for facing your fears. I hope you feel really good about yourself!”

Tips: Make sure your child knows that the invitation is the challenge and not what happens after or what the other child’s answer might be.  

Common questions