Goal 3: Be able to sleep away from home overnight

If your child is struggling with out of game challenges:

• The early / easier challenges are just as important as the later/harder ones. Don’t be tempted to overlook them as too easy. Doing those challenges sets children up to believe they can do this.

• Ask your child how they think they could customise these. They often have creative ideas!

• Don’t worry if one of the earlier challenges seems harder for your child than some of the later ones. All children are different.

• As a parent, have a think about the ultimate goal, and whether you’re happy for your child to get most of the way through and anything extra is a bonus. For example, you might be happy to see your child stay at home while you nip to the shops for an hour, or perhaps being able to go places where there might be insects but not necessarily needing to hold a big spider. 

• Children often benefit throughout all the challenges by using the breathing techniques they’re taught in the “imagine” challenge. Remind them to relax and take slow, deep breaths at the start of each challenge.

• Make it fun! For example, if your young person is worried about being in the dark, let your child put you in a dark room for a bit and see how you cope.

Customising out of game challenges

CHALLENGES: 4-8

4. Visit a friend with your guardian

Ways to customise this challenge: Make a short visit and stay with your child.

1. Make this challenge easier by visiting for a very short time - 15-20 minutes to start.

2. Tell your child that you’ll be there the whole time, and that you can play with them and their friend if they want you to. 

3. If they are still finding this challenge too difficult, make it slightly easier by visiting a friend at a park or another place your child is already familiar with.

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “If you feel worried, that’s ok. I think you should give it a try anyway!” 

• “I think you’ll have a lot of fun with your friend, and even if you don’t, you’ll be ok. We’ll just try again next time.”
  
  
  

Tips: 

• You can help make this challenge easier by helping your child choose a familiar friend they’ve spent lots of time with before. 

5. Visit a friend without your guardian

Ways to customise this challenge: Make a plan to help your child feel brave.

1. Make this challenge easier by making a plan with your child.

2. Help them decide how long they want to visit and what they might like to do. They could take a favourite toy, game, or activity to share with their friend to help keep them occupied while you are away. 

3. If they are still finding this challenge too difficult, make it slightly easier by reducing the  time.

4. You can stay with your child for the first 10-15 minutes and then tell them you’re going to leave for  10-15 m minutes to get some shopping or petrol, etc. Each time you repeat this challenge, increase the amount of time you spend away. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I feel worried sometimes when I’m with other people, too. But the bad feelings always go away and then I feel so much stronger and braver!” 

• “I’m so proud of you for giving it a try. I know you can do it!”

Tips:

• You can help make this challenge easier by helping your child choose a familiar friend they’ve spent lots of time with before. 

6. Have a meal at a friend’s without a guardian

Ways to customise this challenge: Choose a comfortable or familiar experience.

1. Start by helping your child feel more comfortable with eating at their friend’s house. For example, you could go and visit for a while, too, and then have your child and their friend eat in another room while you stay.

2. It may help if your child has already visited this friend’s house, or they could choose a familiar restaurant or cafe to visit together without you.

3. If they are still finding this challenge too difficult, invite their friend to have a meal with you and your child first to help make the experience feel more familiar. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I know you’re worried about this, but I know you can be brave enough to give it a go!” 

• “Let’s think about what might happen and we can figure out some ways that you’ll be able to cope.”
  
  

Tips:

• Play a meal you know your child will really enjoy - a special treat like pizza or a pudding they really like might help encourage them to stay to eat without you. 

7. Spend an evening at a friend’s house

Ways to customise this challenge: Let your child check in with you while they’re away.

1. Make this challenge easier by making a plan for your child to check in if they need to.

2. They might start by making a quick phone call or sending a text every 30 minutes and then gradually increase the amount of time between check-ins.

3. If they are still finding this challenge too difficult, start out by staying with them for part of the visit to help them feel more comfortable.

4. Gradually decrease the time that you stay until they can spend the evening there without you.

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I’m so proud of you for being brave and trying this challenge!” 

• “I’ll be here if you need me, but I know you can do it even if you feel a little worried.”
  

Tips:

• Help your child  plan an exciting activity or meal to encourage them to stay for the evening.

• Make a plan to let your child know what time you’ll be coming to get them.

8. Sleep over at a friend’s house

 Ways to customise this challenge: practise with close family or staying away together first.

1. Your child might find this challenge easier if they can try sleeping away from home with you or someone they know well first.

2. Arrange for them to spend the night with a family member to help them feel more comfortable. 

3. If they are still finding this challenge too difficult, you can stay with them at a family member’s house a few times first.

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “Think about all the progress you’ve already made! You’ve done such a great job facing your fears!” 

• “It’s ok to worry about being away from home, but those bad feelings can’t hurt us. I know you can do it!”
  

Tips: 

• Talk to the parent or guardian of your child’s friend to let them know about your child’s worries.

• Be sure they and your child both know it’s ok if they feel too worried to stay.

• Encourage them to give it a try, but be sure not to be angry or upset if they need to leave early the first time they try.

• Tell them you’re proud that they gave it a go and that you’ll try again soon.

Common questions