Goal 12: Feel comfortable going to school

If your child is struggling with out of game challenges:

• The early / easier challenges are just as important as the later/harder ones. Don’t be tempted to overlook them as too easy. Doing those challenges sets children up to believe they can do this.

• Ask your child how they think they could customise these. They often have creative ideas!

• Don’t worry if one of the earlier challenges seems harder for your child than some of the later ones. All children are different.

• As a parent, have a think about the ultimate goal, and whether you’re happy for your child to get most of the way through and anything extra is a bonus. For example, you might be happy to see your child stay at home while you nip to the shops for an hour, or perhaps being able to go places where there might be insects but not necessarily needing to hold a big spider. 

• Children often benefit throughout all the challenges by using the breathing techniques they’re taught in the “imagine” challenge. Remind them to relax and take slow, deep breaths at the start of each challenge.

• Make it fun! For example, if your young person is worried about being in the dark, let your child put you in a dark room for a bit and see how you cope.

Customising out of game challenges

CHALLENGES: 4-9

4. Go past your school on a weekend

Ways to customise this challenge: Start by going by quickly. 

1. To make this easier. remind your young person that the school is closed and you're just going to drive past it without stopping. Encourage them to look at the school while you're driving past. 

2. If they’re ready, repeat the challenge and try walking by more slowly or stopping the car outside the school for a moment. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “It’s ok to feel worried. Let’s give it a try anyway!” 

• “I know you’re really brave. I think you can do it!”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

5. Go to your school on a weekend and stand outside

Ways to customise this challenge: Start far away for a short time. 

1. If your child is worried about standing outside their school, let them start further away and for a short amount of time. For example, first they might stand across the street and face away from their school for 1-2 minutes.

2. As they feel more confident, have them move closer and stay for a little bit longer. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I know you feel worried, but I think you can give it a go anyway!”

• “You’re being really brave. Let’s take a breath and give it a try!”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

6. Go to school on a school day and wait nearby

Ways to customise this challenge: Start far away for a short time.

1. If your child is still worried about standing outside their school, let them start further away and for a short amount of time. For example, first they might stand across the street and face away from their school for 1-2 minutes. Start at a time when they aren’t likely to see any other students there.

2. As they feel more confident, have them move closer and stay for a little bit longer. Eventually you can try to stay for a few minutes while other students are going into school, leaving school, or outside for a break.

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “You’re already making great progress! Keep at it!” 

• “I know you’re brave enough to keep facing this fear even if you still feel worried.”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

7. Go to the first lesson of school

Ways to customise this challenge: Reduce the time and make a plan.

1. If your child is still finding this too difficult, you can start by reducing the time - stay in the classroom for 5 minutes, then 10, etc . When they’re ready to try a whole lesson, help them make a plan with their teacher about what they will do if they feel worried. Maybe they can wait in the hallway and count to 10, and then come back in.

2. Be sure to make a plan with your child’s teacher ahead of time, including a way for your child to let their teacher know they need a break so they won’t feel singled out or like everyone is watching them. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I’m so proud of the progress you’re making! I know you can do this!” 

• “It’s totally normal to feel worried. But you’re being so brave by learning how to cope.”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

8. Go to a morning of school

Ways to customise this challenge: Reduce the time and make a plan.

1. If your child is still finding this too difficult, you can start by gradually increasing the time - stay in the classroom for 1 lesson, then 2, etc . When they’re ready to try a half day, help them make a plan with their teacher about what they will do if they feel worried. Maybe they can wait in the hallway and count to 10, and then come back in.

2. Be sure to make a plan with your child’s teacher ahead of time, including a way for your child to let their teacher know they need a break so they won’t feel singled out or like everyone is watching them. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “Let’s talk about all the challenges you’ve already done. You’re doing such a great job!” 

• “I hope you’re proud of how well you’re facing your fears. I know I am!”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

9. Go to a whole day of school

Ways to customise this challenge: Reduce the time and make a plan.

1. If your child is still finding this too difficult, you can start by reducing the time - stay in the classroom for 5 minutes, then 10, etc . When they’re ready to try a whole lesson, help them make a plan with their teacher about what they will do if they feel worried. Maybe they can wait in the hallway and count to 10, and then come back in.

2. Be sure to make a plan with your child’s teacher ahead of time, including a way for your child to let their teacher know they need a break so they won’t feel singled out or like everyone is watching them. 

You can encourage your child by saying:

• “I’m so proud of the progress you’re making! I know you can do this!” 

• “It’s totally normal to feel worried. But you’re being so brave by learning how to cope.”

Tips: When you talk to your child about their worries, be sure to take them seriously. Don’t tell them things like “That won’t happen” or “You shouldn’t be worried about that.” Do your best to help them understand that it’s ok to feel worried, and that you want to help them figure out how to face their fears. Be sure your child’s teacher knows about their worries and that you’re working on this goal. If you can, talk to your child’s teacher about ways they can help encourage your child about how brave they’re being for trying to face their fears.

Common questions