Goal 11: Feel comfortable going to a party or social gathering
Does your child worry about feeling embarrassed when they are around other children?
Choose this goal to help your child learn to spend time with other children in and out of school.
You can help plan social activities with other parents and their children to achieve this goal.
Challenges in this goal:
Imagine yourself going to a party
Draw yourself going to a party
Watch a 360 video of being at a party
OUT OF GAME:
Talk to a classmate at school
Invite a classmate over after school
Arrange to meet a classmate on the weekend
Arrange to spend time with a few young people
If your child is struggling with out of game challenges:
The early / easier challenges are just as important as the later/harder ones. Don’t be tempted to overlook them as too easy. Doing those challenges sets children up to believe they can do this.
Ask your child how they think they could customise these. They often have creative ideas!
Don’t worry if one of the earlier challenges seems harder for your child than some of the later ones. All children are different.
As a parent, have a think about the ultimate goal, and whether you’re happy for your child to get most of the way through and anything extra is a bonus. For example, you might be happy to see your child stay at home while you nip to the shops for an hour, or perhaps being able to go places where there might be insects but not necessarily needing to hold a big spider.
Children often benefit throughout all the challenges by using the breathing techniques they’re taught in the “imagine” challenge. Remind them to relax and take slow, deep breaths at the start of each challenge.
Make it fun! For example, if your young person is worried about being in the dark, let your child put you in a dark room for a bit and see how you cope.
Customising out of game challenges
CHALLENGES: 4-7
4. Ways to customise this challenge: Practise at home first.
Help your child practise a short conversation with role-playing at home. Have your child talk about or even write out a script for what they could say and how the other person might respond. practise the conversation out loud at home first.
When they’re ready, encourage them to talk to a shop keeper or waiter while you’re out together.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“You’re being so brave by facing your fears.”
“It’s totally normal to feel worried - I bet there are other children in your class who feel the same way. I’m so proud of you for being so kind and trying to make a friend!”
Tips: Help your child think of some good conversation starters. Asking questions and giving compliments are good ways to keep a conversation going!
5. Invite a classmate over after school
Ways to customise this challenge: Choose someone they know well and make a plan.
Help your child choose someone they’ve already spent time with to invite over. Plan a fun activity that they’ll enjoy doing with their friend, like going to a park or playing a game.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“I am so proud of you for trying this goal. Let’s think about how far you’ve come already!”
“You are so brave for facing your fears. I hope you feel really good about yourself!”
Tips: If your child is worried about having a friend over, start by encouraging them to spend time with their friend somewhere else, like a park or a cafe.
6. Arrange to meet a classmate on the weekend
Ways to customise this challenge: Choose someone they know well and make a plan.
Help your child choose someone they’ve already spent time with to invite over. Plan a fun activity that they’ll enjoy doing with their friend, like going to a park or playing a game.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“This is a really big step, and I’m so proud of how brave you are for trying!”
“Think about all the progress you’ve made already! You’re doing such a great job!”
Tips: If your child is worried about having a friend over, start by encouraging them to spend time with their friend somewhere else, like a park or a cafe.
7. Arrange to spend time with a few young people
Ways to customise this challenge: Choose someone they know well and make a plan.
Help your child choose someone they’ve already spent time with to invite along with a few other people. Plan a fun activity that they’ll enjoy doing with their friend, like going to a park or playing a game.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“I think this will be a lot of fun. It’s ok if you still feel worried. I know you can be brave enough to give it a try!”
“You’ve made so much progress facing your fears. I hope you’re proud of yourself!”
Tips: Helping your child make a specific plan might help them feel less worried. Talk about where they’re going and what they’re going to do, and make a plan for when you’ll pick them up or when they will leave.
Common questions
How much anxiety should I expect?
It’s normal for your child to feel worried - it’s important for them to try each challenge anyway.
Your child should do each challenge until their anxiety goes down by half. If they start at 8/10 worried, they should keep at it until they only feel 4/10 worried.
You can ask your child how they’re feeling and to rate their level of worry throughout each challenge. Encourage them to keep at it until their worry goes down so they learn how to cope!
What if my child is too worried to do a challenge?
It’s normal for your child to feel worried - remind them you believe they can do it anyway!
If your child experiences physical symptoms of anxiety (fast heartbeat, sweating, tummy ache), take a break and remind them to take deep breaths.
Praise your child for being brave enough to try a challenge!
Tell them you can try again tomorrow - it’s important to try this challenge again soon. If they keep avoiding the same challenge, they will learn that their anxiety is too scary to overcome. Encourage them to give it another go soon so they can learn how to cope with feeling worried.
If your child needs to keep practising to build their confidence first, they can choose previous challenges to repeat.