Goal 13: Be able to spend time in a high up place
Does your child worry that they might fall or feel unwell in high up places?
Choose this goal to help your child learn to overcome their fear of heights.
Challenges in this goal:
Imagine yourself in a high up place
Draw yourself in a high up place
Look at photos of people in high up places
Watch a video of looking down from a high up place
Watch a 360 video in a very high up place
OUT OF GAME:
Go somewhere slightly high up with your guardian
Go somewhere slightly high up with your guardian and look down
Go somewhere very high up with your guardian
Go somewhere very high up with your guardian and look down
If your child is struggling with out of game challenges:
The early / easier challenges are just as important as the later/harder ones. Don’t be tempted to overlook them as too easy. Doing those challenges sets children up to believe they can do this.
Ask your child how they think they could customise these. They often have creative ideas!
Don’t worry if one of the earlier challenges seems harder for your child than some of the later ones. All children are different.
As a parent, have a think about the ultimate goal, and whether you’re happy for your child to get most of the way through and anything extra is a bonus. For example, you might be happy to see your child stay at home while you nip to the shops for an hour, or perhaps being able to go places where there might be insects but not necessarily needing to hold a big spider.
Children often benefit throughout all the challenges by using the breathing techniques they’re taught in the “imagine” challenge. Remind them to relax and take slow, deep breaths at the start of each challenge.
Make it fun! For example, if your young person is worried about being in the dark, let your child put you in a dark room for a bit and see how you cope.
Customising out of game challenges
CHALLENGES: 6-9
6. Go somewhere slightly high up with your guardian
Ways to customise this challenge: Gradually increase the height and time.
If your child is worried about being somewhere high up, help them choose a place that’s not very high to visit first. This could be an open stairwell or a first storey balcony - somewhere where they know they won’t get hurt if they fall. Help them climb up a few steps and stop if they need to. If they’re feeling worried, remind them they can take their time, close their eyes, hold your hand, etc.
Start by climbing up a few steps and staying there for 1 minute. If they need to go back down, let them take a break and then try again. When they’re ready, try to climb up a few more steps, and stay for a minute. Keep going this way until they can stay in a slightly high up place for 15-20 minutes with their eyes open.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“It’s totally normal to feel worried about this. I know you can do it anyway!”
“Remember, those bad feelings can’t hurt you. You’re brave enough to give it a go!”
Tips: Try engaging your child in a distracting activity while they’re standing in the high-up place. Talk to them, sing a song, help them think of an encouraging phrase to repeat, etc.
7. Go somewhere slightly high up with your guardian and look down
Ways to customise this challenge: Gradually increase the height and time.
If your child is worried about being somewhere high up, help them choose a place that’s not very high to visit first. This could be an open stairwell or a first storey balcony - somewhere where they know they won’t get hurt if they fall. Help them climb up a few steps and stop if they need to. If they’re feeling worried, remind them they can take their time, close their eyes, hold your hand, etc.
Once you make it to the slightly high up place, gradually increase the amount of time your child can look down. Start by looking up, out, and around, and glancing down for just a second. Set a timer to gradually increase the amount of time - start slowly with only 5 seconds, then increase to 10, 15, etc. Keep practicing until your child feels comfortable looking down for a minute or two.
You can also make a game to encourage your child to look around in a fun way. Before you visit the high up place, talk about some things you might see there. Try to make a list to check off, or make it a challenge - whoever can find more things or find all the things fastest will win a treat!
You can encourage your child by saying:
“You’re making so much progress already. I’m really proud of you.”
“I hope you know how brave you are for facing your fears!”
Tips: Try engaging your child in a distracting activity while they’re standing in the high-up place. Talk to them, sing a song, help them think of an encouraging phrase to repeat, etc.
8. Go somewhere very high up with your guardian
Ways to customise this challenge: Gradually increase the height and time.
Choose a high up place that your child wants to be able to visit*. Like before, work on slowly making your way up - a few steps or storeys at a time. If they’re feeling worried, remind them they can take their time, close their eyes, hold your hand, etc.
Start by climbing up a few steps and staying there for 1 minute. If they need to go back down, let them take a break and then try again. When they’re ready, try to climb up a few more steps, and stay for a minute. Keep going this way until they can stay in a high up place for 15-20 minutes with their eyes open.
*If your child is worried about taking a lift, that might be a separate fear. If it is too difficult, choose a high-up place that is accessible by stairs and work on taking a lift as a separate challenge.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“You are so brave! It’s really amazing how much work you’ve done to face this fear”
“It’s ok if you still feel worried. Let’s give it a try anyway!”
Tips: Try engaging your child in a distracting activity while they’re standing in the high-up place. Talk to them, sing a song, help them think of an encouraging phrase to repeat, etc.
9. Go somewhere very high up with your guardian and look down
Ways to customise this challenge: Gradually increase the height and time.
Choose a high up place that your child wants to be able to visit*. Like before, work on slowly making your way up - a few steps or storeys at a time. If they’re feeling worried, remind them they can take their time, close their eyes, hold your hand, etc.
Once you make it to the high up place, gradually increase the amount of time your child can look down. Start by looking up, out, and around, and glancing down for just a second. Set a timer to gradually increase the amount of time - start slowly with only 5 seconds, then increase to 10, 15, etc. Keep practicing until your child feels comfortable looking down for a minute or two.
You can also make a game to encourage your child to look around in a fun way. Before you visit the high up place, talk about some things you might see there. Try to make a list to check off, or make it a challenge - whoever can find more things or find all the things fastest will win a treat!
*If your child is worried about taking a lift, that might be a separate fear. If it is too difficult, choose a high-up place that is accessible by stairs and work on taking a lift as a separate challenge.
You can encourage your child by saying:
“You’ve done some really difficult challenges already and been so brave. I hope you’re proud of yourself!”
“I’m so proud of you. Let’s give this one a go together!”
Tips: Try engaging your child in a distracting activity while they’re standing in the high-up place. Talk to them, sing a song, help them think of an encouraging phrase to repeat, etc.
Common questions
Challenge is too difficult
How much anxiety should I expect?
It’s normal for your child to feel worried - it’s important for them to try each challenge anyway.
Your child should do each challenge until their anxiety goes down by half. If they start at 8/10 worried, they should keep at it until they only feel 4/10 worried.
You can ask your child how they’re feeling and to rate their level of worry throughout each challenge. Encourage them to keep at it until their worry goes down so they learn how to cope!
What if my child is too worried to do a challenge?
It’s normal for your child to feel worried - remind them you believe they can do it anyway!
If your child experiences physical symptoms of anxiety (fast heartbeat, sweating, tummy ache), take a break and remind them to take deep breaths.
Praise your child for being brave enough to try a challenge!
Tell them you can try again tomorrow - it’s important to try this challenge again soon. If they keep avoiding the same challenge, they will learn that their anxiety is too scary to overcome. Encourage them to give it another go soon so they can learn how to cope with feeling worried.
If your child needs to keep practising to build their confidence first, they can choose previous challenges to repeat.